My stories seem too off putting?

You can get an app from the app store and have it read it to you at various times.

Boring Saturday? Use the app!

Long drive to work? Use the app!

Downtime and waiting for someone in the grocery store? Use the reader app!

Loss that urge during fore play? Both of you lay there, listen to episodes of The Captain, and soon, you’ll be ready AGAIN!

Use the reader app!